Once upon a time, in a land far far away (Curacao) on July 3rd, 2013, a happy couple woke up at 5:30 in the
morning, extremely hung over from the previous day’s escapades. The fair maiden debated if they should cancel
the trip to Klein Island (see map), as she could imagine herself on the boat getting extremely sick.
She inquired to her stately gentleman, who
replied “your wish is my command” because he had a back-up plan. “No!” she said, “We shall see this through.” The taxi picked up the happy couple, along
with two Dutch Paris Hiltons to take them to the chariot (boat) that awaited
them. They arrived to the chariot and God sent them a sign that it was going to be a good day by giving them not one but two rainbows, one when they boarded and one on arrival to the island.
They began seeking sustenance, but the captain knew something they didn’t know. About 30 minutes into their journey, the
waves became treacherous and the citizenry rushed to the ends of the boat to
puketh over the sides. As they drew near
the shore, they spotted the most graceful of all God’s creatures, the giant
green sea turtle waving at them, and trying to eat the cigarette butts the
chain smoking Dutch people threw overboard.
They stepped foot on the magical island, grabbed two chaise lounges, and
immediately took naps.
The couple awoke
simultaneously, and popped out of their chairs.
She went to powder her nose, and he sprang into action. After powdering her nose, she returned to
find a bummed out boyfriend. She had
seen him at the shore, holding something in his hand. He returned to their chairs, which had been
secluded so they could be alone, but was now occupied by two tarts seeking to
steal their shady spot (and thunder).
Their conversation went as follows:
The Princess: What doth thou holdeth?
The Prince: M’lady once sayeth that the steady stream of
romantic gestures has seemingly dried up, a situation I seek to remedy.
The Princess: Thou art very sweet, let me lay mine eyes on
it.
The Prince:*finger wagging no* These two invasive tarts impedeth our
privacy. Let us walketh down the beach.
Maria: Okayeth.
They walked down to the end of the beach, where it started
to get a touch rocky, and Maria stated that due to her delicate nature, she
could not proceed further down the beach without proper footwear or a litter
with people carrying her.
He gave her
what he had found in the ocean, which was a bottle with a message in it. She tried to remove the cork, but her lady
strength did not allow such a feat to be overcome. After having assisted her, she also had great
difficulty removing the message, claiming it was a Chinese finger trap, and
resorted to using her teeth in a most unladylike manner. While she was fighting to remove the message,
the boy surreptitiously removed a box from his pocket. Arms shaking from exertion she read the note
in the bottle which said “I knew from the very beginning that I wanted to spend
my life with you” and was accompanied by a photo of the boy and girl in wedding
regalia.
The picture dates back to when
he had created a children’s book, in which they were the two primary
characters, trying to defeat the Meatloaf of Destruction (aka their first cat,
Kitty). The story ended with them
getting married, hence where the picture came from.
While she was distracted reading the message
and looking at the picture, the boy went to one knee, opened the box with the
ring and asked her “Boosy, will you marry me?”
He was shaking like a leaf in a sharknado (tornado filled with
sharks). Her first reaction was “No
way! I can’t believe this! Yes, of course!” They huggethed, she too was shaking like a
leaf in a sharknado. They quickly
decided to have their wedding in a super secret location to be disclosed to no
one. They then spent the rest of the day
under bright pink flamingos flying overhead and swimming underwater with
friendly sea turtles (which had always been a dream of the boy’s).
They had a hearty meal of the finest cuts of
meats of all the beasts of the land and visited a phallic lighthouse, entered
shipwrecks, and witnessed lizard on lizard crime.
All in all, the day was
the most unforgettable, most magical moment, in the fair maiden’s life. They lived happily ever after. The End.
